Sex Ed

I think we should hire these individuals to teach sexual education in high school. This is sure to detour teens from finding it appealing ;)

Juicebox

I think Nurses use the same Juicebox

Obesity

As if drinking doesn't add enough empty calories...

My day off

What my husband has to suffer through when I'm unexpectedly called off work.

Who Am I?

I can't tell if this is a mattress or a teenager...

It's OUT!

When it takes 8 pokes to get an IV in on a 2 year old... And I walk in to find the patient has yanked it out :(

Lunch... sort of...

How day shift consumes lunch

How night shift consumes lunch

Tx = Parentectomy

When the parents of my patient start doing this...

I usually look like this while casually stating... "Let me get the doctor to answer your questions and concerns"

Which Type of Nurse are you?

Nurses have been a trope in fiction for centuries. From Dickens’ drunken, sleeping slattern to the modern sexy beasts of E.R. and Grey’s Anatomy, nurses have had nursing styles galore. Take this quick quiz to find out which fictional nurse you most resemble!

1. A doctor enters the nurses’ station and asks for help entering an order into the computer system. You:

a. Drag him into the nearest clean utility room and rip off your shirt, revealing a provocative lace brassiere (double points if you’re a male nurse)
b. Light a hundredweight of gunpowder in such a way that a score of wolves is revealed to be blazing around you
c. Try to help him, but become entangled in some wacky computer problem such that you blush and stammer, charming the physician with your innocence and good nature
d. Show him where to click with the mouse and how to enter the order

2. You’re dealing with a difficult patient. How do you try to establish a rapport with him?

a. You reveal that he’s actually your long-lost brother’s second wife’s stepson. Hilarity ensues.
b. You tell him a sweet story to lull him to sleep, then laugh in a horrid manner, disquieting him extremely.
c. You persevere with good humor and efficient, quiet action, accomplishing tasks with such gentleness and intelligence that he can’t help but become fond of you.
d. You read him the riot act and have no trouble the rest of the shift.

3. Something horrible has happened on your shift. What do you do?

a. Immediately stick your hand into a ceiling fan, your head into a helicopter propeller or your entire body into the icy waters of the nearest ship channel in order to provide a good subplot.
b. Drink some gin and go to sleep by the fire. Whatever’s going on, it’ll be resolved by the time you wake up sometime in the next chapter.
c. Widen your eyes in shock, flail about a bit, then come up with a nifty idea that saves the day.
d. Sigh heavily, roll your eyes and call housekeeping to help you mop up the entrails.

4. You fall in love with somebody at work. Who is it?

a. Your immediate supervisor, who, unbeknownst to you, is also your sister’s younger daughter’s half-cousin.
b. A poor yet noble scion of a great but fallen family.
c. A handsome intern with only your best interests at heart.
d. That cute guy who delivers the specialty mattresses on Thursdays.

5. Why did you go into nursing?

a. It’s a glamorous, well-paid job with great-fitting uniforms and plenty of time to gossip.
b. It’s a living. One that lets me afford gin.
c. Because I want to help people! Especially those boys at the front who are giving their all!
d. I couldn’t make a living with a degree in English.

Next: Your Results →

Your Results

Mostly As: Congratulations! You’re a Grey’s Anatomy Nurse!! You have the best setup of any nurse out there. The trouble is you’re mostly invisible and generally used only as a sexual object or an early victim of some horrific accident or plague.

Mostly Bs: Congratulations! You’re a Classic Literary Nurse in the style of Mrs. Gamp in Dickens’Martin Chuzzlewit! You’re long remembered by readers of the best that English literature has to offer. The downside is that you’re mostly drunk and generally really frightening.

Mostly Cs: Congratulations! You’re Cherry Ames! We all want to strangle you. You do get the cutest uniforms, though. Those starched collars! Those capes!

Mostly Ds: Congratulations! You’re a nonfictional Real Nurse! Now get off the computer; 822 needs a bedpan.

From Scrubs Magazine

BY JO, RN • SEPTEMBER 26, 2012

sedation

When I finally get the order for vecuronium or propfol on my vented patient who has been thrashing around for hours...

1 more thing!

When I get back from the 3rd errand for a patient with the towels they have requested and they ask for "1 more" thing...

Good Luck!

As I finish reporting off on a patient who has been up all night hallucinating and screaming at the top of their lungs despite multiple doses of ativan, versed, and haldol. Good luck :)

Professional

After Mr. Cranky doctor gets moody with me for doing my job and calling him in the middle of the night (when he is on call)...

Graveyard shift

The way I consume my "lunch" at work at 2AM...

Surprise!

When I've been super busy at work all day and get sight of the clock at 6:45!

Buckle up!

Job security for us pediatric nurses ;) Note the look of worried confusion on the infants face... even they seem to know that this isn't legit.

THAT patient

When I come back to work the next day and "THAT" patient has been discharged. You know which patient I'm talking about... the one who isn't really very sick, but requires 93% of your time anyway.

Sadistic Humor

It appears that an optimist crossed this deer's path...

Dead or Alive

A nurse in an inpatient setting was caring for a patient (we will call him Mr. Smith) who was dying. The family was with the patient when his breathing began to slow down, eventually stopping. A family member walked over to the nurses station and informed the nurse that the patient had passed away. Protocol is to inform the covering physician of the death so that he can officially state the time of death and assess the patient. In this case, the doctor was informed of the death via a phone call.

Nurse:"Hello Doctor. Mr. Smith in room 604 has just passed away."

Doctor:"Ok."

Nurse: "Doctor, you need to come and pronounce him."

Doctor:"What?"

Nurse:"You know, pronounce the patient's death and time of death."

Doctor: "What do I pronounce him as?"

Nurse:"You pronounce him dead. Can you just come and see the patient please?"

Doctor:" Why, if he is already dead?"

Nurse:"Get over here and see the patient."

Click. Hung up the phone.

About five minutes later, the doctor in question (or you could say the questionable doctor), arrived onto the floor as politely requested. He asks where the patient is, walks into the room, and says:

"I now pronounce you dead."

In front of the family.

Silly me

When my patient is desating for some unexplainable reason despite me increasing their oxygen a few times... and my coworker comes in to find the tubing not plugged into the wall.

EAT!

When I have a patient who is anorexic...

Truth

When trying to explain medical procedures to a pedatric patient...

Giving meds to kids

The first time I gave prednisone to a 3 year old...

Then, the patient started this

SO, I started this

Looking for this








Inevitably... this is the end result :(

Report

When the Nurse I'm getting report from in the ED informs me they haven't seen the patient yet...

Lab

What I look like after lab calls... really doesn't matter what they say

Really?

When the family tells me they don't know how their 1 month old got 2 skull fractures... "maybe he rolled and hit his head on the side of his crib... a couple times"

Lost my Appetite

This mother allegedly undressed her two small children and let each child sit on the potty while eating at Thanksgiving Point Deli, according to Utah news station KSLTV. The station interviewed Kimberly Decker, a disgusted witness who snapped a pic of the scene.

"She had to undo the jumpsuits and take them all the way down so they were completely nude, with the jumpsuits down to their ankles, just eating their chicken nuggets, sitting on little toddler potties," Decker told the new station.

This has got to be against the health code...

Residents...

First year students of MBBS (Medicine) were attending their first anatomy class.
They are gathered around the Surgery table with a real dead dog lying on it.

The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.The First is that to never be disgusted about any part of the body,
As he inserted his finger in dog's ass tasted it in his own mouth. Then he said them to do the

 same.

The students hesitated for several minutes but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's ass & then tasted it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The second most important quality is Observation, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger.

Now... learn to pay attention.

Code BLUE!

What nurses look like to outsider's in a code situation... note the "man down" in the center who looks like he is crying in the fetal position ;)

Gag Reflex.. What is that?

It would appear slightly unprofessional to spew in a patients room...

I'll die first

Sadly, every nurse has at least a mental list ;)

The affect I have on Babies

The reaction I get from my patients when I enter the room

Not all Children are Natural Born Swimmers...

According to the ADHS, drowning is the leading cause of death in Arizona among children 1 - 4 years of age.
Watch your children around water!

Guys are SOOOO stupid...

CAT Scan