Nurses have been a trope in fiction for centuries. From Dickens’ drunken, sleeping slattern to the modern sexy beasts of E.R. and Grey’s Anatomy, nurses have had nursing styles galore. Take this quick quiz to find out which fictional nurse you most resemble!
1. A doctor enters the nurses’ station and asks for help entering an order into the computer system. You:
a. Drag him into the nearest clean utility room and rip off your shirt, revealing a provocative lace brassiere (double points if you’re a male nurse)
b. Light a hundredweight of gunpowder in such a way that a score of wolves is revealed to be blazing around you
c. Try to help him, but become entangled in some wacky computer problem such that you blush and stammer, charming the physician with your innocence and good nature
d. Show him where to click with the mouse and how to enter the order
b. Light a hundredweight of gunpowder in such a way that a score of wolves is revealed to be blazing around you
c. Try to help him, but become entangled in some wacky computer problem such that you blush and stammer, charming the physician with your innocence and good nature
d. Show him where to click with the mouse and how to enter the order
2. You’re dealing with a difficult patient. How do you try to establish a rapport with him?
a. You reveal that he’s actually your long-lost brother’s second wife’s stepson. Hilarity ensues.
b. You tell him a sweet story to lull him to sleep, then laugh in a horrid manner, disquieting him extremely.
c. You persevere with good humor and efficient, quiet action, accomplishing tasks with such gentleness and intelligence that he can’t help but become fond of you.
d. You read him the riot act and have no trouble the rest of the shift.
b. You tell him a sweet story to lull him to sleep, then laugh in a horrid manner, disquieting him extremely.
c. You persevere with good humor and efficient, quiet action, accomplishing tasks with such gentleness and intelligence that he can’t help but become fond of you.
d. You read him the riot act and have no trouble the rest of the shift.
3. Something horrible has happened on your shift. What do you do?
a. Immediately stick your hand into a ceiling fan, your head into a helicopter propeller or your entire body into the icy waters of the nearest ship channel in order to provide a good subplot.
b. Drink some gin and go to sleep by the fire. Whatever’s going on, it’ll be resolved by the time you wake up sometime in the next chapter.
c. Widen your eyes in shock, flail about a bit, then come up with a nifty idea that saves the day.
d. Sigh heavily, roll your eyes and call housekeeping to help you mop up the entrails.
b. Drink some gin and go to sleep by the fire. Whatever’s going on, it’ll be resolved by the time you wake up sometime in the next chapter.
c. Widen your eyes in shock, flail about a bit, then come up with a nifty idea that saves the day.
d. Sigh heavily, roll your eyes and call housekeeping to help you mop up the entrails.
4. You fall in love with somebody at work. Who is it?
a. Your immediate supervisor, who, unbeknownst to you, is also your sister’s younger daughter’s half-cousin.
b. A poor yet noble scion of a great but fallen family.
c. A handsome intern with only your best interests at heart.
d. That cute guy who delivers the specialty mattresses on Thursdays.
b. A poor yet noble scion of a great but fallen family.
c. A handsome intern with only your best interests at heart.
d. That cute guy who delivers the specialty mattresses on Thursdays.
5. Why did you go into nursing?
a. It’s a glamorous, well-paid job with great-fitting uniforms and plenty of time to gossip.
b. It’s a living. One that lets me afford gin.
c. Because I want to help people! Especially those boys at the front who are giving their all!
d. I couldn’t make a living with a degree in English.
b. It’s a living. One that lets me afford gin.
c. Because I want to help people! Especially those boys at the front who are giving their all!
d. I couldn’t make a living with a degree in English.
Next: Your Results →
Your Results
Mostly As: Congratulations! You’re a Grey’s Anatomy Nurse!! You have the best setup of any nurse out there. The trouble is you’re mostly invisible and generally used only as a sexual object or an early victim of some horrific accident or plague.
Mostly Bs: Congratulations! You’re a Classic Literary Nurse in the style of Mrs. Gamp in Dickens’Martin Chuzzlewit! You’re long remembered by readers of the best that English literature has to offer. The downside is that you’re mostly drunk and generally really frightening.
Mostly Cs: Congratulations! You’re Cherry Ames! We all want to strangle you. You do get the cutest uniforms, though. Those starched collars! Those capes!
Mostly Ds: Congratulations! You’re a nonfictional Real Nurse! Now get off the computer; 822 needs a bedpan.
From Scrubs Magazine
• SEPTEMBER 26, 2012
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